Affairs & Atonements Page 18

  He stretched out his hand to shake hers. She took it gladly, glancing back and forth between Christy and Chad. Her wide smile clearly indicated that she was pleased to see him stand beside Christy, and even more when he draped his arm possessively over her shoulders.

  “Chad Sullivan, Christy’s boyfriend,” he said.

  Naomi nodded approvingly. “Naomi Landon, Ashton’s fiancée.”

  They clicked instantly, and moved away to chat some more with each other.

  “I’m gonna go pack my stuff for the park,” JR said excitedly, running up the stairs and towards his bedroom.

  “Christy,” started Ashton.

  “Not now, Ashton,” she whispered. “Please, not now.”

  She walked out of the house, praying silently that he would not follow her.

  *****

  She was sitting with her head in her hands when Chad knocked on her office door. She quickly rifled through some papers, pretending to be busy.

  “Christy,” he said as he walked in. “Do you want to go out on a picnic with Ashton and Naomi?”

  She paled. Definitely not!

  “I don’t think so, Chad.” She gulped. “I’ve just got a load to do here. And the trip to New York took so much of my time. I’ve got so much to catch-up to now.”

  He sighed and walked around the desk to her. “I have to admit I was slightly jealous when you told me you were taking that trip with Ashton.”

  “Really?”

  “Just a tiny bit,” he said, sitting on the edge of the desk. “He is after all your husband.”

  Her temples pulsed wildly. Did he know? He had to.

  “But after speaking to Naomi,” he continued. “I know now that they’re madly in love with each other. Naomi is so excited about her wedding. She was telling me how she can’t wait to get back so she can start working on it.”

  “Well, I can’t wait for them to get back also,” she muttered.

  He frowned. “Christy, is everything okay between you and Ashton?”

  “No.” She covered her face with her hands. “I mean you know how it is when exes meet. It’s not comfortable.”

  He watched her closely. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I just assumed that you had resolved your differences amongst yourselves. Are you still angry with Ashton? It happened so long ago and you both were very young when you married. All young people make mistakes they regret later.”

  “It’s not that.” She lifted up her eyes slowly at him. “Chad, there is something I need to tell you.”

  His body stiffened as she rose up to stand before him.

  “Chad,” she began. “This… between us… it isn’t working.”

  He paled. “Is it because of Ashton? Are you… still in love with him?”

  She bit her trembling lips, trying to hold back her tears from escaping her eyes. “If it were that simple, but it’s more than that. I thought I truly was over him. That I could move on. And I really thought I would be able to do it when I met you. You were everything a woman wanted in a man. But I just am not ready. I’ve realized that all I had been doing these years was running away from the way I was feeling about Ashton. And I don’t think it would be fair if I carried all that hurt and pain into our relationship. I need to sort myself out first.”

  He leaned his head against hers, whispering softly. “I’m very patient. You can always heal with me in your life. I’ll understand.”

  “I can’t,” she whispered back, finally letting her tears flow freely down her face. “I need to fix this myself.”

  “Is it because of something I’ve done? Said?”

  “No, of course not.” She touched his face gently. “You’ve been great, Chad. You’ve been so good to me; Chad, I don’t deserve you.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “But it’s true. I’m such an idiot. I have a wonderful man before me, a man who can give me the world, love me like no one else can and I’m still hung up on someone who might never love me back.”

  He pulled her into his arms and she dug her face into his shoulder, weeping quietly.

  “I’m sorry, Chad. I’m so sorry.”

  *****

  They sat for a long while watching the trees swaying gently in the breeze. The sun was setting behind it, showering it in golden light.

  “Thanks for spending the day with me,” said Chad, his hand draped over Christy’s shoulder.

  “It’s nothing you wouldn’t have done for me.” She leaned tiredly into him. “Besides, didn’t you take the day off for me? The least I could do was spend it with you after callously breaking up with you.”

  “That’s true.” He nodded. “You were such an awful bitch.”

  She chuckled, slapping him fondly on the chest. “You will come to see me now and then, right?”

  “Are you really not going to give this a second thought?” He tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear.

  “Chad.” She sighed and sat up.

  “I know, I know. But you can’t expect me not to hope.” He grinned at her mischievously. “You’ve gotta at least tell me why Ashton’s better than me?”

  She clasped his hand tenderly. “He isn’t. He can be an ass. He’s stubborn and definitely pushy. He annoys me most of the time and the rest of the time he thinks he’s got it all figured out.”

  “You still love him.” He smiled.

  “It makes no sense, but I do.” She shrugged.

  “Does he know you feel that way about him?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, looking down at her hands.

  “Is he going to do something about it?”

  “Is he going to marry Naomi, you mean? Looks like it.” She looked over at the woods.

  “So… is it just you…?”

  “I’m pathetic, I know.”

  “Well, if you are, then so am I.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Ahh, the pain of unrequited love.” He let out a tired puff of air and gathered her closer to him.

  She leaned her head on his chest as they both watched the sun continue to set behind the curtain of dark dense forest.

  *****

  “Hey, Mom,” announced JR gloomily as he entered the kitchen.

  “Hey, how was your day out?” She smiled broadly.

  “Great,” he let out before walking out again and towards the stairs up to the bedroom.

  “Is that it? Aren’t you going to tell me all about it?”

  “Later.” He disappeared into the hallway upstairs.

  “Hi.” She heard Naomi say behind her.

  “Hi.” She turned in surprise. Unsure of what more to say to her, she fiddled through her refrigerator and pulled out a zucchini.

  “Do you mind if we take JR out for dinner?” Naomi asked.

  She paused, thinking how to politely decline her request. Hadn’t JR just spent the entire day with them? And now this woman, who she had met only a day ago, wanted to take her son out again so he could dine away from the beautiful home-cooked meal she had prepared for him. This had to stop.

  “We’re leaving tomorrow,” Naomi continued. “It would be really nice if JR could spend our last night in Puyallup with us.”

  “You’re leaving tomorrow?” she repeated almost in a whisper. They were leaving and he hadn’t even bothered to tell me?

  “Yes. I got called for another assignment and I miss Ashton a little too much to leave him again. The job’s in Philly, thankfully. I’m trying to take as much work as possible before the marriage. Because after the wedding, I want to take a temporary break from my career, and work on starting a family. JR has done wonders for Ashton. I can see now how much he loves children. I would never have known that had it not been for JR. And I know how much Ashton’s going to miss him once we return home. So I really can’t wait to give him children of his own.”

  “Children of his own?” Christy uttered in disbelief. “JR is his own.”

  “I meant having our own kids,” Naomi said curtly. “There is no need to get offend
ed. You knew exactly what I meant.”

  “I know that Ashton was going to spend three weeks with his son, until you turned up and cut it short.”

  “And I know you’ve been setting your sights on my fiancé when you have a pretty awesome boyfriend standing by your side,” Naomi gnarled. “Do you always like to covert things you can’t have?”

  Christy put her hands on her hips and turned around. Her face was flamed with embarrassment. Naomi had struck directly into her wounds. There was no use losing her temper to the woman or get defensive. What was there to defend when she had indeed dreamed of spending the rest of her life with the woman’s fiancé? Except her dreams had begun long before Naomi had known Ashton.

  The pain of losing Ashton drove deep into her and she smoothed her hair to forcibly calm herself down.

  “Please, get out of my house,” Christy said. “I think you’ve said all you needed to say.”

  “Fine. But it’s no one’s fault that you decided to run from your own marriage and never stayed in touch with your husband. You lost out on a good man because you chose to have it that way. I don’t understand why then you’re so embittered by me? Because I recognized the good man Ashton was and you didn’t? It’s too late, Christy. You can’t have him now. I won’t let you.”

  “Will you shut up? You have absolutely no idea of what you’re talking about.”

  “Don’t tell me to shut up. It’s obvious you want Ashton back. You haven’t even cared to deny it.”

  Christy picked up a knife and sliced it cleanly through the zucchini. “Can you leave now?” She lifted her eyes up coldly at her.

  “Are you gonna stop Ashton from marrying me?” Naomi asked sternly.

  “Ashton is a pretty stubborn guy. You think I have the influence to be able to do that?” she snapped back with sarcasm.

  Naomi swiveled on her heels and headed towards the door. “You’ve had your turn, Christy. You married him and then you ran. You can’t blame anyone else for the mistakes you made.”

  The instant she shut the door behind her, Christy dropped her knife, trembling from the confrontation. How had Naomi known about her feelings for Ashton? Although she had kept her distance from her, she had never been impolite.

  She rubbed her temples. Naomi was probably acting on suspicions like any woman would. But what did it matter? The fact was that it wasn’t right to continue her relationship with Ashton if he was going to marry Naomi.

  She slid down the front of a cupboard, squatting down onto the floor as she clutched her knees, shivering. She sobbed softly. She had made a mess of her life. She should never have allowed herself to fall back in love with Ashton. Now, she had to find a way to end it altogether.

  CHAPTER 20

  She knocked softly on JR’s door. When he didn’t reply, she turned the knob and treaded slowly into the room.

  He was lying across his bed, leaning over it as he wheeled his skateboard to and fro with his fingers.

  “Hey,” she said as she sat beside him. “Aren’t you going to wash-up? Your dad wants to take you out to dinner.”

  “Why can’t we have it here like we used to?” he mumbled.

  “Perhaps, your dad wants to eat out for a change.” She sighed.

  He grew quiet, continuing to wheel his skateboard on the old timber floor.

  She watched him for a while. “What’s wrong, honey?”

  “I thought he was going to stay for three weeks.”

  Her heart clamped immediately. Her son was hurting and there was little she could do to ease his pain.

  “Honey, we all knew he was going to go back. It only happens to be three days sooner than we expected.”

  “If it wasn’t for Naomi, he would have stayed. Maybe he loves her more than us.”

  She threaded her fingers through his hair, trying to comfort him. How could she tell him that she believed the same? That Naomi was his current love in his life. She was his future and they… they were the past he probably desperately wanted to bury.

  He laid his head on her lap, hugging her waist. “I really wanted him to stay. I thought if we were really really nice, he would have changed his mind and stayed with us. Like a real family.”

  She didn’t say anything, cradling his head in her arms instead.

  “Do you think Dad will like us when he has his own family?” he asked.

  “JR, of course. You’re always going to be his son,” she said softly. “No one can take that away from you.”

  He held tightly onto her and her heart lurched. Is this what it was going to be like each time JR would be separated from his father? She could only pray that he would get used to it. Her tears ran down her face. In all these years, JR had never known his father. He had asked about him but he had never been curious enough to hurt over him. Suddenly she wished Ashton had never returned to their lives.

  “Is it because of me, Mom?” he whispered. “Maybe I didn’t do enough to convince him to stay. Maybe I should have tried harder. I shouldn’t have saved Rusty. I shouldn’t have asked him to make the treehouse. Maybe he didn’t like doing it and that’s why he doesn’t want to stay here.”

  “No, no.” She shook her head as she sobbed silently. “It’s not that at all, baby. Your father loves you and he liked doing all those stuff with you. He’s going back because that’s where he lives- with Naomi. He would love to have you live with him but you would have to leave Margaret and me to go there. I’m sure he doesn’t want to separate us either. Honey, I want to be sure you know that your father’s leaving here has nothing to do with you. Okay?”

  He didn’t reply, burying his head further into her embrace. She could only hope it meant he was going to be fine.

  *****

  Morning broke and she found herself with her horses at early dawn. She had spent the night tossing and turning in bed. Finally succumbing to her insomnia, she had risen up early and made her way to the stables through the cold morning mist hovering in her path.

  She stood there cradling Sophie’s head in the curve of her shoulders. The beautiful brown mare nuzzled her face against her.

  “What was I supposed to do, Sophie?” she whispered into the horse’s ear. “What do I do now?”

  She had managed to persuade JR into having dinner with Ashton and Naomi last night, but she had also avoided seeing either of them, instead leaving Margaret to deal with them.

  “It was his last night with his father. I don’t know when he will see him again.”

  The mare grunted.

  “He’s going today. And he would probably be married the next time I meet him. I guess that’s how it was meant to be, Sophie.”

  She leaned her head against the horse’s neck, loving the feel of the animal’s warmth against her body.

  She stood there, standing at Sophie’s stall for a long while, hugging her, being comforted by her.

  *****

  She laid some fresh straw in Sophie’s stall and then refilled her feed bucket. She heard the floor creak and assumed it was JR.

  “I’ll be out soon, honey, as soon as I clean out Sophie’s stall.”

  “Christy,” he said and she tensed. What was Ashton doing here? Shouldn’t he have left by now?

  “Christy, can I talk to you?”

  “What about?” she asked tersely as she poured fresh water into Sophie’s water bucket.

  He leaned against the door of the stall and watched her quietly. “Christy, we need to talk about us.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.” She walked to the end of the stall and neatened up the bed of straw.

  “Could you just come out for a second?”

  “I’m really in no mood. I’ve got work to do and you have a plane to catch. So why don’t we just leave it at that.” She picked a load of wet straw with her pitch fork and emptied it into her wheelbarrow.

  “I know you’re angry with me-”

  “Angry?” She looked up at him and let out a snort. “You can’t imagine how I’m feeling and like alw
ays you’ve got it wrong.”

  “Christy, you’ve got to trust me.”

  “Well, I’m sorry if I can’t. You haven’t quite given me any reason to trust you, Ashton, have you?” She picked up her wheelbarrow and wheeled it out of Sophie’s stall.

  He caught her elbow as she brushed past him.

  “Christy,” he said, stopping her. “I know I’ve done a poor job at winning your trust but I can’t just tell Naomi about us. I need time.”

  “I’ll make it easier for you, Ashton. Why don’t we end the ‘us’ you’re talking about?”

  “Christy, please-”

  “Come on, Ashton, you know as well as I do, we can’t be together. Naomi’s visit has forced me to face reality. We’re two different people. Yes, we have sexual attraction for each other but how long do you think that will last? A month, two? Then what? We’d be bickering and arguing like two old crows. I’d be annoyed with all your pushy ambitions and you’d be blaming me for ending your career. Let’s just leave it be, Ashton. Please.”

  “Perhaps, I would be angry and you would be annoyed. But it wouldn’t mean I’d love you any less.”

  “Well, it all sounds good and fine now. But that’s not how it’s going to be forever.”

  He held tightly onto her arm, not willing to let her go. “I searched for you for eleven years, Christy. I’m not giving up on us. You’re my wife. I won’t allow you to just leave.”

  She shook herself off him, anger flooding through her. “For heaven’s sake, Ashton, will you stop calling me that?”

  “And why should I? Aren’t you?”

  She shook with rage, her face stained with her tears. “If I am your wife, then why is it I feel like I’m the other woman in this relationship?!”

  “Christy.” He moved towards her but she stepped back further away from him.

  “Enough! No more, Ashton. I will not take it anymore.” She clutched her fist tightly as she shivered from the pain inside her. “I can’t… take anymore.” She stood quietly, trying to regain her composure. “Do us both a favor and file those divorce papers as soon as you can.”